Don't Blame Yourself
by Dan Carter
Summary: This is a one shot story, which means there is only one chance to tell the story. The story takes the concept of love and relationships and shows them at their extreme highs and lows. It also slightly questions humanity, and luck.


**[****definition: one shots; **noun, origin Red Bull Productions - a one shot is a fanfiction but there is a twist, there is only one chance, _one shot,_ to tell the story. There will be no sequels, no continuations; this story will never be mentioned again except for this one time. So enjoy it will lasts, cause there is only one shot to read it.]

Don't blame yourself;

there is nothing you could have done to change things

Rated: MA; Mature Viewing Only

"Then just fucking tell me the truth Kevin!"

Jessica yelled across the small apartment that she shared with Kevin. She was sick of it, of his multiple personalities, his vagueness, his stiffness to her touch, and the uncertainty that she could read in his eyes. Kevin sat on the couch, his head in his hands, he ran his fingers through his straightened hair. He sighed loudly, making gestures with his hands as he spoke.

"For the millionth time Jessica, I'm NOT cheating on you. I would never do such a thing and you know that."

"Then what is it Kevin? Why do you hate me? Why are you so mysterious and quiet around me? Do you not want the same things out of our relationship that I do? Do you even care?"

Kevin stood up now, walking towards her slowly. She took steps back from him, glaring at him, trying not to fall for his wide, soft gorgeous eyes like she had so many times before. His eyes were always what did her in. They had been dating on and off for the past three years, most problems resulting from Kevin's awkwardness around her which made her uncomfortable. Yet she loved him with her whole heart, she just wasn't convinced by him. He spoke softly to her like she was a child. This was just one of the dozens of similar disputes, all ending unsuccessfully. Neither side winning nor loosing, but Jessica was determined to get her point across this time.

"Come on Jessica, you know I care about you so much more than you think. I could never hate you, never ever. I want the best for the both of us, and I want you to be happy so I can see you beautiful smile…"

Jessica stood still, stiff in anger. She was sick of these stupid fights and his lack of commitment. She crossed her arms, glaring as he tried to comfort her. She spat out harsh words.

"Then what is it Kevin? There is nothing more I can do to show that I love you."

She turned away from him, grabbing her coat and wallet. She needed to get out of here, fast. Kevin called out after her.

"Jessica, my feelings for you are so new and foreign. I've never felt this way before, and I'm just afraid of my feelings. I don't know how to act or talk around you, because it may be the wrong thing. I don't even know how to say how I feel because it might not be what you want to hear."

Kevin looked up from the ground, gazing into her gorgeous blue eyes. He looked like a lost puppy looking for remorse. Jessica's eyes glared back, not backing downing.

"Bullshit.

I think I'll just leave."

Jessica slammed the door shut as she walked out of the apartment door. Kevin's temper flared as he spoke true to her and her response was harsh.

"FINE! Leave already!"

Then he leaned his forehead against the door, whispering to himself. "But it's true…" He sighed and turning around to leaned his back against the door. She'd be back soon enough, she always came back. He stood up and went to the kitchen to finish preparing dinner. Jessica walked outside into the brisk air, her mind clouded with thoughts; mostly hateful ones to Kevin. She saw someone wave to her and smile, calling her name. "Jessica!" Jessica turned away from her, to the other direction and walked fast to avoid Joe ex-girlfriend, their dinner guest tonight, who was all-too-perfect-and-nice, Melinda. Who was Kevin's best friend. Jessica despised Melinda, she was envious of Joe and Melinda loving relationship that was so perfect and true, and she was thrilled when they broke up. Neither person wanting to, both deeply affected by it. Everyone knew they were meant to be, which is why Jessica hated her, and her perfect nature. Melinda stopped at the apartment door, wondering why Jessica had left dinner early. Melinda knew that Jessica hated her, but she never stopped trying to befriend her.

Jessica continued to walk through the dark streets of Boston distracted, looking at the ground while she tried and sort her thoughts. Before she knew it she was one of the few that dared to walk in the Boston Commons at night. She approached the East side were the rocks and trees were tall and secluded. The sun having set hours before made the sky dark. A man approached her out of the shadows, his smile wide.

"Gotta light? Or a second?"

Jessica shook her head no, but it was too late. He grabbed her arm, shoving it up her back, locking her arm up, while at the same time putting his sleeve over her mouth. She tried to scream, but it was muffled, that was when she felt it. The cool metal blade that pierced the flesh on her arm. Tears streamed down her face as he dragged her back towards the rocks.

"For every sound you try to make you get… a little slice. Get it?"

Jessica tried to pull away, her heart pounding with fear in her chest. She just wanted to go home, to get away. His grip tightened and she felt the blade slice through her coat, cutting the full length of her back. She could feel the blood leaving her body fast, she stropped struggling, letting her tears gush down her face.

"Trying to escape will cost you more."

He slapped her hard across her face, she cried harder. She was gasping to try and stabilize her breathing when he grabbed her pants and pulled them down. Leaving burn marks from not even undoing the button, her skin felt raw and hot. He took of his own pants and then his boxers, and her thong. Jessica fought him, she trashed. She felt the knife touch her raw skin on her thighs, she clenched her teeth crying.

"Hold still. It'll only take a second I promise."

Jessica closed her eyes tight, how ironic was what he said. He was promising her something. Something Kevin always had trouble to do. She squeezed her eyes tighter trying to remember something happy, but all she could see was Kevin's tortmented face as he confessed to her the truth. The hurt in his eyes. She wished she was in his arms now, listening to his comfort and smelling his scent. That's when she felt it, it was like he was ripping her apart. Stealing away her virginity, her purity, her innocence. Everything that she had been saving for Kevin was gone in a single moment. It hurt like nothing before and she tried her hardest to keep from crying out, and this was supposed to be enjoyable. This was more like hell, and she wanted more than anything for the pain, for everything to just go away. She could feel the blood trickling as he went faster and harder moaning to himself as she cried and begged mentally for a savior, for death.

Finally he pulled away having done his share. He seemed to be turning away when suddenly the cold blade was against Jessica's throat. Her eyes open and wide, begging for death. Suddenly she realized the last thing she had told Kevin, the man she loved, was _"Bullshit. I think I'll just leave."_ She needed to apologize; she needed to tell him that was sorry and the truth. Her mind became numb and slowed down, showing her images of Kevin, the one she truly loved.

Her attacker was suddenly on the groan moaning in agony. The knife dropped from his hands and landing next to her. Jessica opened her eyes slowly, trying to make sense of what was going on. She watched the back of a stranger kicking the man on the ground repeatedly, in the stomach, in the balls, in the face. Then the stranger turned slightly, to glance back before continuing her beating, it was Melinda. She kept kicking and hit, while she yelled at him. He groaned and tried to curl up in a ball, she kicked him once more in the head, knocking him out cold. Silent tears streaming down her face from her rage.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD! HOW FUCKING COULD YOU! I HOPE YOU FUCKING GO TO HELL AND FUCKING DIE!"

Melinda turned immediately to Jessica, the anger and hatred immediately dissolved from her eyes and now worry consumed her young face. She rushed to Jessica's side, gently trying to clothe the poor girl.

"I almost lost you when you came into the Boston Commons! Jessica! You're bleeding everywhere! There is so much blood!"

Jessica looked confused at Melinda who was gapping at Jessica's blood drenched body and clothes.

"Why did you follow me?"

Melinda paused and shrugged as she took off her coat laying it on Jessica. Jessica's past feelings of hatred turned into regret, she wished that she never shoved Melinda away. Maybe she was a good person that wanted to be her friend. Perhaps she wasn't as bad as Jessica had made her out to be. Perhaps she had just imagined the perfection.

"I didn't think it was smart for you to be out by yourself. But it doesn't matter now, you are what matters. Jessica dear, you've lost a lot of blood. We need to get you to the hospital now! I'm gonna call 911 right now, but I need you to stay with me, just hang on Jess. Help is coming."

Melinda dialed the number on her phone and spoke fast into it as someone on the other side picked up, it was too fast for Jessica to understand. Everything was starting to go fuzzy as Jessica dipped her finger in a pool of her blood that had gathered on the rock, she began to draw a heart on her arm. Thundering footsteps could be heard in the stillness of the night, perhaps the event and yelling had sparked some attention. Jessica spoke now, her voice barely audible and sounded very far away.

"Melinda…"

Melinda looked over and nodded squeezing Jessica's hand. The running footsteps stopped, and the panting of breathe could be heard.

"Would you tell Kevin that I'm sorry, for everything. And that I love him more than anything in the world, and that he was the most important thing to me. He always has been and always will be. Also tell him it was not his fault… Tell him not to blame himself. There is nothing he could have done. It was faith, it's all in God's hands. Tell him I didn't mean anything I said, and… and… I love him."

Jessica had a peaceful smile on her face as she finished writing on her arm next to the heart; **PKJ II**. Melinda started to cry as Jessica spoke, and turned to the huffing and puffing sounds that seemed to stop and go silent. Kevin was standing there, breathing deeply, trying to regain his breath. His eyes were wide, billows of steam flowed from his nose. He had heard everything Jessica said, tears streamed down his face as he grabbed Jessica's free hand. She opened her eyes partly at the warm touch, confused.

"Mel Called. Jessica I love you, I always have and will. You're going to make it through this. Just hold on!"

The sirens grew louder now as they approached the quiet section in the woods. The flashing red light letting them know of their rescuers arrival, perhaps it was too late. Kevin watched Jessica's smile fade and her eyes close one last time, and her body went limp. He yelled to her as and EMT pulled him off, while they loaded her onto a stretcher. He yelled through his tears.

"HOLD ON! JUST HOLD ON JESSICA!"

The EMT held Kevin back as they put Jessica on the stretcher and into the van. He caught a glimpse of his name in blood on her arm. It sent a shiver down his spine. He was the one that let her go. He was the one that should have called her back. The EMT spoke to Kevin now as Kevin cried harder, crying out for Jessica.

"Don't blame yourself, there's nothing you could have done to change things."


End file.
